beacuse i’ve had a lot. anyway, i’m driving up to salem, ma tomorrow, as i have the great pleasure of being a part of the new pygmy lush record…a statement so cool it’s making me jealous of myself.

anyway, here’s a live recording of an Oh Shenandoah cover we did in Richmond last year. cut us some slack. we were probably tipsy (it’s richmond, what could we do?), definitely nervous, i was sad for missing my friend’s wedding because my car died earlier that morning, certainly pissed to be driving a rental ford focus… HOWEVER, i can proudly say that i managed to play a show in richmond without picking any fights. probably because i’d been subdued with tater tots (this trick works on me, btw).

new york, you were great last night. so many nice people. thanks for that!
love, aimée

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http://www.fanciestlumps.com/archive/rocker-conservatorium-memorium/

but this is the year i’ve decided to get “into” sports. more specifically, i am going to become a football fan!

what follows are my notes on a conversation with a friend this morning (btw, this whole entire post is completely non-music related), who i called to be like “dude, i’m sorry but i gotta bail on camping sunday, because i uh, well something came up, i mean sundays are kinda bad for me now, from now on anyway, and um, hey so like, what are your thoughts on football?

but then to my surprise he was really supportive, which is an understatement because what in fact happened, before he responded–anyway this is what i’m pretty sure i could tell was happening from the other end of the line–was that in his mind he was like oh man, i gotta sit down for this one as he pushed through the old busted screen door of his house, sunk into a broke ass rocking chair on the front porch, poking his fingers around the ashtray till he found a half-smoked cigarette from earlier, took a long thoughtful drag and then at that point i bet he probably propped his right leg onto his left knee, resting his left hand on the right ankle and then he goes:

“aimée, the average football game lasts 3.5 hours.”

pausing, considering carefully, he continued…

“aimée, how much time do you think you actually spend watching the game? i mean like real, actual football playing?

13 minutes. that’s all you get is 13 minutes of actual football action

the rest is closeups of cheerleaders,
closeups of fans,
closeups of players,
and other game hoopla bullshit

so what you need to do
is make an event out of watching the game
like my brother, and mike, like they do. they make an event out of it, they know what they’re doing, they’ve been doing this for years

first off,
ok so first off dont get drunk, cuz if you get drunk and your team loses, then yr fucked

i mean we get drunk but our team sucks, they’ve always sucked and we know that so it’s ok

and wear something warm, even if it’s hot in yr house because it gets you in the football mood

and commercials. dont watch one single commercial. make sure you have an activity planned for the commercials. we go outside and smoke cigarettes, but you can go outside and toss around the pigskin, um, you know, stretch your legs, something. oh! you could have a magazine, yeah go get yourself a magazine, and then when the commercials come on, open up the magazine, hit mute on the television and read an article. and then when the commercials are done you will have read the article.

here’s the most important thing, and you probably won’t have a problem with this since you’re new at it:

DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, PERSONALLY INVEST ANY EMOTIONAL REAL ESTATE INTO THE OUTCOME OF THE GAME. this is really important. because if you do, you might fuck up the rest of your week. but if you ever get to that point, like, ‘FUUUUUUUUCK,’ then you need to call me and i’ll talk you off the ledge.”

thanks for the awesome solo tour folks!!

here’s a breakdown of how I will spend–and have already spent–your money:
$350-to replace a significant portion of my vehicle’s exhaust system, which simply fell off the belly of my car at 4:00 am, pulling into the 4900 block of Hazel Ave, after an overnight drive
$350-the unpaid parking tickets i got busted for in south philly two days later, and subsequent boot-release fee
$400-insuranceless wisdom tooth removal
$100-hippy supplements to soothe my dry socket (budgeting in advance, for i know what’s coming to me)
$1.6m-cost to replace of all of mine and my roommate’s fragile life items i have broken in the last two weeks, due to insufficient bodily balance due to extreme toothache due to wisdom tooth coming in even though i am way too old for this shit
$2trillion-cost of recuperational (yes mom, i know that’s not a real word) therapy for saturn being in its return or whatever. and they said it was my golden year!!!!!!
$700-ticket to europe, however by this point i’m out of $$$; sadly, this may force me to sell my complete set of 90210 playing cards.

what else…

honestly, there are so many other things going on, it’s insane! my friend chris is doing his best to wrap me up like a little burrito in his totally peace-inducing theories about how i’m so silly to question the world’s ways, its harsh loving techniques for grounding my ass in light of what awesomely absurd shit lurks right around the corner: shimmering waves of unstoppable blinging ass fame for des ark, following the [ever?] release of Don’t Rock the Boat, Sink the Fucker. here are some examples of what chris is talking about, although i made these up, but i listen to way more top 40 radio than he does so my brain is much better equipped ie brain-melt for these types of fantasies: so yeah, like, for instance, pretty soon des ark will be lohan’s first call from cell block #9, and The Boss will be begging (so cute…but kind of sad, too!) his manager “Yo, can you PUHLEEEZE get us on that fucking Des Ark tour?”…for when i get my wisdom teeth pulled like every day just because i can, because i figured out how to stop throwing up opioid analgesics, thereby rendering manageable the pain of having lifelong roots sawed & cranked & wrenched out of my jaw, and so suddenly it’s some no biggie bubble gum thing and the thought of having to buy pain to relieve pain doesn’t lead me down a dark dangerous out of control mind imagine path of my life asleep in a wet box outside of the house where i used to live.

so anyway, what am i saying here? um, i dunno. do you have any money? are you rich? do you want to invest in me? i will be honest with you, i am completely unreliable (in some, but not all ways), impossible to get in touch with, pretty positive, on extraordinary occasions i get so excited about something that i start crying (it’s adorable, after it stops freaking you out), i don’t give birthday presents because my dad taught me to consider your high-end vintage taste year-round at yard sales, basically i’m like a pet you can’t keep. adopt me!

is this the worst resumé ever?

this post is so stupid, i can’t believe you read it! here are updated tour dates!

*solo shows denoted with [solo]*

**************OCTOBER**************
10.12.10 [solo] NEW YORK NY @ THE BOWERY BALLROOM w/Bowerbirds, Death Vessel
10.15.10 [solo] BOSTON MA @ T.T. THE BEAR’S PLACE w/Bowerbirds, Death Vessel
10.20 FRANKFURT GERMANY @ IVI
10.21 GÖTTINGEN GERMANY @ T KELLER
10.22 AACHEN GERMANY @ AZ
10.23 NANCY FRANCE @ CHAPITEAU (FESTIVAL MICHTO)
10.24 LYON FRANCE @ GRRND ZERO
10.25 STRASBOURG FRANCE @ MOLODOI
10.26 ORLEANS FRANCE @ 5EME AVE
10.27 RENNES FRANCE @ L’ANTIPODE
10.28 VENDOME FRANCE @ MINOTAURE (FESTIVAL ROCKOMOTIVES)
10.29 FRANCE @ TBA
10.30 PARIS FRANCE @ GLAZART
10.31 BLAINVILLE SUR MER FRANCE @ SALLE DE LA LOUVERIE

**************NOVEMBER**************
11.02 NETHERLANDS @ TBA
11.03 HANNOVER GERMANY @ STURMGLOCKE
11.04 BREMEN GERMANY @ SPEDITION
11.05 BRAUNSCHWEIG GERMANY @ NEXUS
11.06 BERLIN GERMANY @ SCHOCKALADEN
11.07 WURZBURG GERMANY @ IMMERHIN
11.08 MUNICH GERMANY @ KAFE KULT
11.09 NÜRNBURG NUTNBURG @ K4
11.10 WINTERTHUR SWITZERLAND @ KRAFTFELD
11.11 FREIBURG GERMANY @ TBA
11.12 BASEL SWITZERLAND @ TBA
11.13 ST ETIENNE FRANCE @ L’ASSOMOIR
11.14 FRANCE @ TBA
11.15 FRANCE @ TBA
11.16 ANGERS FRANCE @ L’ETINCELLE
11.17 FRANCE NANTES @ LIEU UNIQUE (FESTIVAL BATTANANTES)
11.18 SAINT-NAZIARE FRANCE @ VIP
11.19 FRANCE @ TBA
11.20 FRANCE @ TBA
11.22 GIESSEN GERMANY @ AK44

**************DECEMBER**************
12.07.10 [solo] MÜNSTER GERMANY @ SPECOPS
12.08.10 [solo] MÜLHEIM GERMANY @ GALERIA
12.09.10 [solo] BIELEFED GERMANY @ AJZ
12.10.10 [solo] GERMANY TBA
12.11.10 [solo] GERMANY TBA
12.12.10 [solo] GERMANY TBA
12.13.10 [solo] SWITZERLAND TBA
12.14.10 [solo] GENOVA ITALY @ KITCHEN
12.15.10 [solo] LUCCA ITALY @ BLUE
12.16.10 [solo] AREZZO ITALY @ BISTRO
12.17.10 [solo] BOLOGNA ITALY @ XM24
12.18.10 [solo] FORLI ITALY @ TBA
12.19.10 [solo] MANTOVA ITALY @ LA BOJE
12.20.10 [solo] AUSTRIA TBA
12.21.10 [solo] WIEN AUSTRIA @ RHIZ
12.22.10 [solo] PRAGUE CZECH REPUBLIC @ REKOMANDO SHOP
12.23.10 [solo] JINDRICHUV CZECH REPUBLIC @ BAR 69
12.24.10 [solo] BEROUN CZECH REPUBLIC @ JINA KAVA
12.25.10 [solo] GERMANY TBA
12.26.10 [solo] GERMANY TBA
12.27.10 [solo] GERMANY TBA
12.28.10 [solo] GERMANY TBA
12.29.10 [solo] HANNOVER GERMANY @ TBA
12.30.10 [solo] BRAUNSCHWEIG GERMANY @ TBA
12.31.10 [solo] BERLIN GERMANY @ SCHOKOLADEN

**************JANUARY**************
01.02.11 [solo] GÖTTINGEN GERMANY @ TBA
01.03.11 [solo] DRESDEN GERMANY @ TBA

gotta love updated tour dates, after tour starts. classic argote!

i’m running late, i gotta get my shit together & go somewhere, but i just want to say that i love solo tour. i mean, all the freaking out about how it’s going to suck when i play with a million hulking loud hesher bands who wanna kick my ass and how all that time alone in the car is way too much time alone with my brain and how i feel bad about myself for being too broke to replace the stereo in my car and that i’m smart enough to know there’s no way that my makeshift, fuse-blowing earbuds-into-laptop-into-power-supply-into-cigarette-adaptor stereo system will end well. but then none of those things happen, and the heshers and i totally are like, hi-fiving, sometimes i even slap myself when i’m meeting their moms, their sweet docile cats, like “why am i such a fucking asshole, weighing myself down with all my incorrect hypothesis…”

because the thing is, solo tour provides a unique opportunity for existing as yr ultimate free agent; get in to as much trouble as you want, no rules, nobody telling you “you can’t do that!”, all the weird crazy raw vegan food you want, as many rollercoaster rides as you can handle, yr old fart friends, new buddies, you take care of yourself & yr body because you know yr all you got. it’s a fucking beautiful thing. so…….i hope to see you there.

after this is over, i go to NC to work my mom’s radical fucking crepe truck, then to salem, ma to lend some vocals to my favorite band’s new record, then it’s off to europe for three months of tour & travel.

and i want to say, too, thanks for having me. there’s nothing i’d rather be doing today.

09.17 [solo] BETHLEHEM PA @ SECRET ART SPACE // with hop along, post post
09.18 [solo] NEW BRUNSWICK NJ @ LITTLE RICHARD’S // 25 Dix St // 6pm
09.19 [solo] SYRACUSE NY @ WESTSCOTT COMMUNITY CENTER // 826 Euclid Ave // 6pm
09.20 [solo] NYC NY @ THE PARTY XPO // 8pm
09.21 [solo] PROVIDENCE RI @ AS220 // 115 Empire St // with whore paint
09.22 [solo] EAST HAMPTON MA @ FLYWHEEL // with Certain Death, Animal Lover, Daniel Striped Tiger // 7pm
09.23 [solo] NEW HAVEN CT @ POPEYE’S GARAGE // 50 Goffe St // with The Book Slave, Psychic Abuse, and Neurospora // 7pm
09.24 [solo] SCRANTON PA @ EMBASSY VINYL // 352 Adams Ave // 8pm
09.25 [solo] PHILADELPHIA PA @ GRINDCORE HOUSE with Hop Along Queen Ansleis // 8:30
09.26 [solo] BALTIMORE MD @ CHARM CITY ARTSPACE // with let’s, boys and sex, boy friends // 8pm
09.27 [solo] WILLIAMSTOWN NJ @ 1619 HOUSE // 1619 Herbert Blvd //7

Hey folks!  Tonight’s show in DC is located at the Warehouse Next Door…a venue that hasn’t been doing shows for a couple of years.  Here’s some info you might need in order to not feel totally p.o.’d when you arrive:

Warehouse News:
Entrance to Warehouse Theater moved to 645 New York Avenue, around the corner from the old entrance on 7th Street.

Did you write that shit down?

Also, tonight is a FULL BAND SHOW with the new line-up: Noah Howard, who you know & love & trust, plus new kiddo on the block Sean McGuinness.

dudes! so many new shows! coooooooool!

solo tour this september, full band euro tour october/november, and we hope to pull together a full US tour february 2011. until then….

AUGUST
08.14 [solo] NEW YORK NY @ CHURCH OF THE MESSIAH
08.22 WASHINGTON DC @ WAREHOUSE NEXT DOOR

SEPTEMBER
09.11 RALEIGH NC @ HOPSCOTCH FESTIVAL
09.17 [solo] BETHLEHEM PA @ SECRET ART SPACE
09.18 [solo] NEW BRUNSWICK NJ @ HOUSE TBA
09.19 [solo] SYRACUSE NY @ RECESS RECORDS
09.20 [solo] NYC NY @ THE PARTY EXPO
09.21 [solo] PROVIDENCE RI @ TBA
09.22 [solo] EAST HAMPTON MA @ TBA
09.23 [solo] TBA (help? desark@gmail.com)
09.24 [solo] TBA (help? desark@gmail.com)
09.25 [solo] PHILADELPHIA PA @ 1ST UNITARIAN CHURCH SIDE CHAPEL
09.26 [solo] BALTIMORE MD @ CHARM CITY ARTSPACE

OCTOBER
10.20 GERMANY FRANKFURT @ IVI
10.21 GERMANY GÖTTINGEN @ T KELLER
10.22 GERMANY AACHEN @ AZ
10.23 FRANCE NANCY @ FESTIVAL MICHTO
10.24 FRANCE LYON @ GRRND ZERO
10.25 FRANCE @ TBA
10.26 FRANCE @ TBA
10.27 FRANCE @ TBA
10.28 FRANCE VENDOME @ ROCKOMOTIVES FESTIVAL
10.29 FRANCE @ TBA
10.30 FRANCE @ TBA
10.31 FRANCE PARIS @ GLAZART

NOVEMBER
11.01 BELGIUM @ TBA
11.02 NETHERLANDS @ TBA
11.03 NETHERLANDS @ TBA
11.04 GERMANY @ TBA
11.05 GERMANY BRAUNSHWEIG @ NEXUS
11.06 GERMANY BERLIN @ TBA
11.07 GERMANY @ TBA
11.08 GERMANY MUNICH @ KAFE KULT
11.09 GERMANY NÜRNBURG @ K4
11.10 SWITZERLAND WINTERTHUR @ KRAFTFELD
11.11 GERMANY FREIBURG @ TBA
11.12 SWITZERLAND @ TBA
11.13 FRANCE @ TBA
11.14 FRANCE @ TBA
11.15 FRANCE @ TBA
11.16 FRANCE @ TBA
11.17 FRANCE NANTES @ LIEU UNIQUE
11.18 FRANCE SAINT-NAZIARE @ VIP
11.19 FRANCE @ TBA
11.20 FRANCE @ TBA
11.22 FRANCE @ TBA